While the visual image of his hard on is still memorable to me, I remember nothing of the conversation except for how it ended.I invited him to our private thatch hut room that evening. It was clear that the invitation was for a sexual experience.Since I had no previous idea that I could be turned on by a male hard-on, I obviously had never discussed this with Joan.When I saw her about 30 minutes later, I said something like, ”you will not believe what just happened.” While we had been going together for less than a year, we had talked about sexual fantasy. My sexual fantasy always involved another woman, but not another man. When I told her of the invitation I had made, she was immediately receptive, which only turned me on more.We agreed to a plan. He would come over. She would hide in the bathroom. I would tell him that she would be there soon. We would then get started with a one-on-one sexual experience.That is exactly what happened. He arrived at the agreed to time. I told him. "He was abusive to Mom and the rest of us. Dad never hit me or my brother, but he used to beat Mom. He treated Daniel and I ... He abused us emotionally. Verbally," her voice was soft and seemed ready to break. "It's funny ... as badly as he treated me ... treated us ... I still wanted to please him. I was always looking for his approval. I thought that if I did well enough in college, he wouldn't tell me what a no-good whore I was going to grow up to be. I just wanted him to tell me that he loved me instead of saying how fat I was or calling my tits cow udders like Mama's."There were tears in her eyes, but she kept talking. Jacob pulled her tighter."So when I was at Clemson, I wanted to bring home a 4.0. I was going to be the best, so Daddy would be proud of me," she said softly. "I didn't go out. I didn't have any fun. All I did was study. I got straight A's my first semester, but I was burning out ... so one of the girls in my dorm suggested that I try some 'uppers' to help me out..
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